πππ₯π₯. π *ππ€.
Sep 05, 2024
That sobering moment a lifelong pattern is revealed that you had never seen before.
I’ve always considered myself a romantic. 
I LOVE love.
I LOVE love.I love when people fall in love. I love it when people are persistent in love and overcome obstacles together. I love it when people get married. Summer itself is the season of romance. 
And I just love it. I could be a voyeur outside this window forever 
And despite my own disastrous attempts at love, I’ve remained eternally optimistic about my own happy ending.
And despite my own disastrous attempts at love, I’ve remained eternally optimistic about my own happy ending.So you can imagine my surprise, when earlier this week, my coach & I uncovered a foundational pattern that has kept me in a state of pining after unavailable men, rather than ever experiencing true happiness & intimacy myself.
This romanticized pattern has historically magnetized me to avoidant, emotionally or physically unavailable men that I can never be with, as a defense mechanism for never truly being at risk of being hurt. Giving me the outward appearance of working on myself, all while actually creating a long, infinitely more challenging series of obstacle courses to get to my heart.
And it has been 
effective.
effective.Well. F*ck.
I’m happy to see it. But it’s painful. 
Finally, I’ve done enough work, and cleared enough BS that I can see the whole thing for what it is.
It’s sobering. A bit depressing how much energy has been wasted. Sad at the beautiful moments I may have missed out on.
But overall, hopeful. It means that things can actually… πππππππ¦ be different for me.
AND it means, once I nail this bit, I can finally teach it. 
The Phoenix Phase π¦π₯ is so good and so grueling.
Major deconstruction requires so much courage and presence from you.
You have to be brave enough to face what you’ve never been willing to face, and soft enough to let it go without struggle.
But we can do it.
C’mon. Let’s do it together
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