Valentine’s Day used to be such a triggering day for me, even (and sometimes especially) if I was in a relationship

Either I was with someone I didn’t WANT to celebrate the day of love with.

Or I was with someone who refused to spend it with me in the way I wanted.

Or I was alone, and I felt my aloneness deeply.

Longing for the day I would be with a partner that saw me, held me, cherished me, witnessed me in all the ways I desired.

Now I know the truth.

I wasn’t even CLOSE to ready for the depth and courage that kind of love would require of me.

I wasn’t CLOSE to being healed in the way I needed to be, to be able to stand in the same space as that champion of my heart.

The man that claims my heart will be a King, no doubt about it. And I’m not ready for a King.

YET.  

I barely just loved with an open heart for the first time.

I BARELY even just discovered what love even IS.

I’m so grateful for the mirrors along my path.

I feel remorse about the damage I’ve done to the hearts of others.

And I’m ready. I’m ready to GET READY for my big love.

So all I’m feeling today is gratitude, to be here at the starting block, with eyes open and heart ready for the next phase of healing.

I’m in AWE of partners who are able to put their trauma aside long enough to keep loving each other indefinitely, humaning together, working with each other.

I’m silently commiserating with people who feel stuck in a relationship that doesn’t bring them joy or make them come alive.

And I’m just fascinated by the multi-faceted nature of life and love! It never stops surprising me 

Happy Valentine’s Day

#HereForIt