𝐌𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫’𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐲 …
With my kiddo at home 💜💔

It’s a tender day today. It has been a tender year in the quiet moments in our household.

As I unleashed the torrents of grief at the coming moments my world will change dramatically, unconditionally & forever.

It’s the moment I’ve been bracing for since the day they were born

The one that ensured I drink in every moment of their presence

Closed my laptop every time they had something to say

Put my phone on silent so our connecting experiences were not interrupted

It’s time for my kiddo to leave.

In the last year, I discovered how fused motherhood had become with my identity, as I found myself asking:

𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐚𝐦 𝐈 𝐢𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫, 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐬, 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬, 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦?

No matter how many seeds I planted that they were welcome to stay indefinitely

they’ve been warning me for the last two years that they would be moving out after high school.

And yes, I’m so incredibly proud that I raised a young adult who is so sovereign, they will acknowledge my personal desires and do what is right for them anyway…

But I also thought I might have a LITTLE more time.

It has turned me inward and outward.

I am in witness today not of the grand motherhood gestures we make…

Not the lavish brunches we have to mark this day… not the flowers, spa days, vacations, presents… not other people having to jump through hoops to prove to us how important we are to them…

Today I’m in witness of the thousands of personal sacrifices we make to take care of our children.

The grace we have to not say anything about the things we choose to give up, so they can have what they need.

The tears we cry with no witness

The heart wrenching times we cannot protect our kids from harm

The moments they need something from us and our body screams “NOOOOOOOO. I cannot do one single thing more without rest!!!!!!!!! I quit!!!!!!!” and we roll over and do it anyway, with strength that comes from beyond the physical

The moments that go unseen and unwitnessed, whether we are in partnership or not

The griefs that we process alone

The celebrations we experience alone

The holidays when other people have teams of people around them, and we are left celebrating ourselves. And the self-pity parties we throw for ourselves in those and other moments

And are sometimes too tired for even that.

When we are painfully aware of the chasm between our best and our expectations of ourselves, and still keep doing our best anyway

I am in witness of the moments that string together a life as a parent, that aren’t sexy. That aren’t talked about. That don’t have Instagram channels dedicated to them. Or TV shows to reveal them.

The moments of life that no one would watch because they aren’t overly dramatic. Or interesting. Or necessarily profound.

But they are the fragments that make up a life that we build for those we would die for. They are our everything… these moments. They are the daily expressions of our unconditional love for humans outside of ourselves.

And that makes them sacred.

So cheers 🥂

Not to martyrdom.

Not to our pain or sacrifice.

Or to our pride or validation.

Cheers to the moments. The ones that are truly the most important.